


Taekwondo: No, I Am Not A Dojo

by LA_Peach



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, NSFW, OC, OC Is Female, Self-Insert, Sobriety, Some angst, maybe slow burn, skelesona, some explicit material in future chapters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-28
Updated: 2019-06-28
Packaged: 2020-05-28 17:23:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19398856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LA_Peach/pseuds/LA_Peach
Summary: Sans, after promising his brother that he would lay off the potent human alcohol, learns that he lead something of a double life while black-out drunk.





	Taekwondo: No, I Am Not A Dojo

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first foray into writing a self-insert ship. I have no idea of common tropes for this genre so I apologise if it I hit on things that are considered such. I'm also tagging as best as I can, but I'm always open to add a tag if I miss something.
> 
> Marked as Explicit because there is plans for detailed smut, but currently there is none in this first chapter.
> 
> Marked as graphic depictions of violence because... there might be? Taekwondo is an MMA fighter and bar bouncer, so there may be violence at times. Not sure how to define 'graphic' so it's been tagged just to be safe.

“So yeah, anyway that’s a tooth I won’t get back any time soon.”

Sans blinked through a light drunken fog, trying to remember if this story included him or not and was in fact very curious if the person talking to him was indeed, talking to him. Had he asked a question? He didn’t think so. He was certainly buzzed, but not terribly far gone. 

The bar had become a rather strange place since the migration from the underground, according to its barkeep. Not that there was an awful lot of monsters compared to humans, but those places directly surrounding Mt Ebott had a healthy smattering of the underfolk among its populace now. So much so that one had to be a bit careful when in public establishments lest one accidentally step on a tentacle.

So, unable to establish a connection between his involvement and the speaking voice, Sans merely smiled and shrugged. To which the voice responded with “Oh, hold on. I have to go deal with something.”

The ruckus of two people (maybe monsters, he wasn’t paying attention) breaking chairs over each other’s heads seemed as good an indication that it was time to head home as any but it wasn’t until he stood at the front step, unable to remember the undoubtedly wobbly walk home that he recalled he could have teleported there. And it wasn’t until he finally registered the tapping of one size-fifteen red boot that he realized he wasn’t standing at the step so much as he seemed to snoozing on it, the tap tap tap of said boot inches from his nose.

Papyrus picked him up with a sigh. “Sans I don’t think you should be going to those bars anymore.”

“Hmmmm?” Sleepy Sans tried his best to stay conscious, but sleep was so terribly inviting right now.

“Alcohol here isn’t like alcohol back home. It’s much too strong. Look at you, what did you even drink?” Papyrus tucked the comatose skeleton under one arm and hauled his older brother upstairs to the poor excuse of a mattress that he used as a bed. “I’m putting my foot down, brother. No more booze for you!”

The sun was brighter than it had any right to be. It was much more tolerable when it was either setting or rising, but Sans was rarely awake for either. Not that it was uncommon for him to sleep a lot; no that was at least one constant that had followed him up from the underground. Maybe he shouldn’t be staring at it, his eyes sockets were starting to hurt. 

He seriously considered becoming a nocturnal monster, there certainly were enough of them to make the park just as interesting as the day and he was sure and it would be easier on the eyes. Big expanses of green fields and walking paths occasionally spotted with little ponds and benches wouldn’t change much by night, except being darker of course. Lost in his own sleepy thoughts once again, he only heard the end of Papyrus’ statement.

“… over there?” Wrinkling his brow, his gaze followed his brother’s pointing finger only to see what looked like a human harassing a short, squat monster. The human, male if Sans guessed right, was waving his arms violently and when he reached out and shoved the smaller monster, Sans looked to his brother in surprise.

“You’re just gonna stand there and let that guy do that?”

“What? But that’s…” Too late, Sans was pushing his sleeves up his arms, ready for some shit to go down. He wasn’t about to stand idly by while some human bullied a defenceless (and the closer he got the better he could say definitely female) monster.

“Sans, wait! She doesn’t need…” But his brother was steadfastly ignoring him, striding with that uncharacteristic energy he gets when he’s kind of angry about something.

So before you could say ‘Sans stop, the woman you’re rushing to save is a professional MMA fighter,’ the shorter skeleton had his eye all aglow and was forcibly tossing the man into a nearby pond, where he sputtered a bit before finding land again and wandering off, flashing them all the bird.

Having expected some glowing praise from the woman he’d just rescued, Sans was instead rather chagrined to find an angry, skeletal face staring back at him.

“The hell, Sans?” 

“Erm, what?”

“What? What?! Like I couldn’t have taken care of the bastard myself?”

“Hey, all I saw was a guy wailing on a woman and I came to help!”

“He was just some drunk I bounced last night. Papyrus, has your brother gone crazy?” She glanced over to the tall skeleton who had taken his time in coming over, not particularly keen on being a part of this particular situation.

“Sorry, Taek. I tried to tell him.”

Sans, more confused than he’d ever been, looked between the two of them wondering how they knew each other. She spoke to him as if they knew each other. But he was pretty sure he’d never met this monster before. She was something like part skeleton, with a white skull much like his own, but with enormous eyes, green and long lashed. She never looked directly at either of them. The rest of her looked flesh bound and not magically created like his or Papyrus’ flesh would be. Round and green, speckled with purple spots down the backs of her arms, legs, and tail; all stuffed into short, black overalls and white boots.

Memorable enough, certainly, but Sans could not remember her.

“Sorry, have we met?”

That apparently was a mistake. Her face flushed and angry eyes suddenly locked with his. He felt dizzy for a moment, the feeling not passing until she looked away again. 

“M-met?!” she stammered. “MET?” Her hands curled into fists. Papyrus held out his own hands, trying to diffuse the situation, but the woman ignored him.

“We been done meeting for months!” The loud voices had drawn a bit of a crowd, people and monsters alike stopping in their activities to gaze curiously in their direction. “Every time I go to work, there you are! We’ve talked, we’ve hung out and we’ve...” She glanced around then at the crowd, her flush turning redder. 

“My number is in your phone!” She finally finished.

Curious, Sans dug out his smartphone and scrolled through his contacts. “I don’t see anyone here…”

She snatched the phone from his hand, angrily running a green finger down its screen. “Here, right here.” She shoved the screen in his face. “Taekwondo! What, did you think you joined a dojo?!”

“Sans,” Papyrus leaned in with a concerned look on his face, trying to keep his voice low so that only his brother could here. “Taek has brought you home on multiple occasions from the bar where she bounces. You really don’t remember her?”

Trying to swallow but not really succeeding, Sans could only shake his head. He had been sober now for two months. It was an easy thing, it bothered Papyrus to see him so black out drunk like that. So when he asked him to stop, Sans couldn’t help but agree it was for the best. But it did mean he didn’t have much of a reason to visit the bar anymore.

Tears were welling in Taekwondo’s eyes, obviously trying hard to keep her composure. She took another nervous look around. “I haven’t seen you in months. I thought you were just busy. Figured I’d see you at the fight tonight.”

She sniffed. “I guess you’ve forgotten about that too, eh?”

Sans didn’t know what to say, but Taek held up a hand and stalled anything that he might have said anyway. “You know what? I don’t want to hear it. I get it. I’m done.” She turned on her heel and stalked off, leaving Sans to try and digest everything she’d said. He took a step after her, but Papyrus’ firm hand on his shoulder pulled him back.

“I think you’d better give her some time, bro.”

“Time from what? What did I do?”


End file.
